he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
