I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
