Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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