I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
