Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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