I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
