I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just googled if crying burns calories
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
