You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
