So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
