We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
