i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
