I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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