Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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