How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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