At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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