well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
