How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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