listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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