She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
