I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
