420 ftw
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
