is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
