why didn't you poke me back
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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