I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
