Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
