Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
