two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
