My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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