Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
