After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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