omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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