My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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