I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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