If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
