I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
