Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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