just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
