I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we're so committed to being not committed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
