I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
