i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
