I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
