i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
