My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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