At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
