Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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