That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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