I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
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I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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