you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
