I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
