a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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