I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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