Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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