i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
