Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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