Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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