I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to make a zoo with you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
