Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize