he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
