Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
