Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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