If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
