i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
