her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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