So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
