Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
