It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
