Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
