Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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