my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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